


The Lesson

by Kalta79



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: F/M, Inappropriate Humor, Relationship Advice, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 06:39:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11030697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalta79/pseuds/Kalta79
Summary: Cloud asks Reno for help





	1. Chapter 1

Reno was getting annoyed. He was trying to relax at 7th Heaven after a tough day at work, and Cloud just kept staring at him. It was driving Reno nuts, and interfering with his enjoyment of the brunette in his lap. When he saw Cloud go into the bathroom, he gave a sigh of relief and carefully unfastened his pants, moving the brunette into place. He kissed her to keep her quiet, and when he was done, refastened his pants and excused himself to her before going into the bathroom as well.

“What is your problem?” he demanded of Cloud who was washing his hands.

“How do you do it?” Cloud responded.

“Do what?” Reno asked in surprise.

“Get women.”

“It’s not that hard.” he replied.

“Wou…would you teach me?”

Reno was torn between laughing and the sad realization that Cloud really had no clue about women. “I can try, but it’s not as easy as you think.”

“Nothing for me has been easy lately.” Cloud said.

Reno shook his head. “That’s problem number one. Women don’t want a man who’s gonna be constantly whining about how bad their lives are.”

“Oookay, so what else?.”

Reno looked Cloud over. “Your outfit. It’s too much. It screams _I’ve got baggage_! If you can‘t get undressed in less than 30 seconds, you‘re telling everyone that you‘re not interested in being comfortable or having fun.”

Reno starts fiddling with Cloud’s outfit, taking off what he decides are unnecessary accessories, when another man walks in, looks at the two of them, and walks back out.

“There, that should do it.” Reno said a few moments later. “Best I can do with what you’re giving me to work with.”

“I feel so exposed.” Cloud said.

“Yeah, that’s kinda the point. You want to give them a slight taste of what they’re gonna get with you. And try and keep the conversation focused on them, unless they specifically ask about you. And don’t tell them anything good about you unless you’re downplaying it when you do. Now go out there and see how you do.” Reno shoved Cloud out the door, then went back to his seat, making his apologies to the brunette and keeping an eye on Cloud as the brunette kept her hands on Reno.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reno tries to get Cloud to loosen up

A black haired woman approached Cloud. “Hi. Haven’t I seen you here before?” she asked.

“Probably. I live upstairs with her and two kids.” Cloud pointed to where Tifa was working at the bar.

“Oh.” The woman moved on.

Cloud went over to the table where Reno and the brunette were sitting. “Well that didn’t work.” he said.

“What happened?” Reno asked.

Cloud recited the conversation, and Reno shook his head.

“No wonder.” Reno caressed the thigh of his companion. “Would you help us out and pretend to introduce yourself to him?” he asked her.

“Okay. Hi, I’m Lydia. What’s your name?” she asked Cloud.

“I’m Cloud.”

“That’s an interesting outfit, what do you do for a living?”

“I don’t like it, it makes me feel too naked. And I’m a delivery boy.”

Reno slammed his beer mug down on the table. “Are you **trying** to be hopeless?! Take what she said about your outfit as a compliment, and you should tell her it‘s custom made. And you‘re not a delivery boy, you‘re a _goods expediter_. Lydia, would you please go get us two shots of whiskey?” Reno patted her ass as she got up and headed towards the bar.

Cloud leaned over to Reno as soon as Lydia left. “What’s sex like?” he asked.

Reno spit out his beer and stared at Cloud for a few moments. “Are you saying you‘ve never…what about Tifa? Those breasts are real, dammit!”

“I don’t think she’s interested in sex.” Cloud said.

Reno looked over Cloud’s head as he saw Rude leave Tifa’s office with a smug expression on his face, and Reno had a brief glimpse of a smiling Tifa sitting on her desk, putting her bra back on, before Rude closed the door and left.

“Women can surprise you, that’s something else you should learn. And if they want something, they‘ll get it wherever they can.”

Lydia came back with the whiskey, and Reno had Cloud down them before they moved to a secluded booth in a far corner of the bar. Reno whispered something to Lydia, who looked surprised, and then nodded with understanding as he whispered something else to her. Reno got up and Lydia moved over to Cloud’s side of the booth, and she started kissing Cloud and taking his pants off.

“What…what are you doing?” Cloud asked.

“You’re never gonna learn how to get women if you don’t learn what you’re getting them for. And you’re so tense you could double as a brick wall. You need to loosen up.” Reno said as he stood in front of their side of the booth to hide them from casual observers.

The whiskey convinced Cloud to cooperate with Lydia. By the time she was done with him, he had a glimmer of why so many people were preoccupied with sex. He was disappointed when Lydia left him and went back to Reno’s side.

“That’s enough for tonight. Your homework is to find a better outfit, and we’ll try again tomorrow night.” Reno put his arm around Lydia and they left the bar to go back to Reno‘s place, where he kept his promise on what he would do to her if she had sex with Cloud.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion

Tifa was cleaning up for the night, and when she did her check of all the tables and booths, she was stunned to find Cloud asleep in only real private booth in the bar. And his pants were down. _What the hell had he been doing_? Tifa wondered, not really sure if she wanted to know the answer. She leaned over him and sniffed his breath. Wrinkling her nose at the smell of whiskey, she was further convinced she didn’t want to know whatever he had been doing. Suddenly he opened his eyes and they focused on her after a few moments.

“Your breasts are real.” Cloud said as he pulled her down to him.

“Cloud, what do you think you’re doing?” Tifa tried unsuccessfully to squirm away.

“I’m a goods expediter wearing a custom made outfit. Have sex with me.”

Tifa stopping trying to get away when she felt his penis hard against her thigh. Sighing, she realized that given his behavior since they met each other again when he joined Avalanche for that mission, drunken sex was the best she could expect for the consummation of their so-called relationship. Flower petals, soft music, and champagne was beyond his understanding.

***

Reno walked into 7th Heaven the next evening, and was disappointed to see Cloud in his same old outfit, sitting at the bar, talking to Tifa.

“What the hell is this?” Reno demanded to know, plucking at Cloud’s top.

“Tifa told me I just need to wear whatever I’m comfortable wearing. And that she likes me how I am.” Cloud replied.

“You wanted to know how to get women when all you really wanted was to get the woman who’s been under your nose the whole time? What--” Reno started to bitch Cloud out, then something occurred to him, and he hurriedly left the bar.

***

Elena was staying late at the office, typing in old mission files into the computer. She was surprised by a knock on her door. Opening the door, she was even more surprised to see Reno standing there. She let him in and closed the door.

“What’s going on?” she asked him.

Reno started to open his mouth to say something, but he couldn’t think of how to say it. Elena just stared at him expectantly with those big brown eyes.

“Reno, what is it?”

At a loss for words, he grabbed Elena and kissed her. Stunned, she acted on reflex and backhanded him.

“I’m sorry.” Reno said as he let her go and opened her door to leave.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Elena asked him, and he turned with surprise as she threw herself into his arms, kissing him back. “What took you so long?”

***

As they lay naked on the floor of her office, something bothered Reno.

“What about Tseng?” he asked Elena.

“What about him?” Elena replied.

“Aren’t you and he…?”

“Hardly. He’s having too much fun with Rufus.”

“Then why did you always act like you two were an item?”

“I knew your reputation, and I was waiting for you to think you had what it took to steal me from Tseng.” Elena snuggled against Reno, content to finally be in his arms.

“You were just waiting for me?” Reno was surprised.

Elena laughed at his reaction. “Yes, but if you had taken much longer, I might have changed my mind.” She climbed on top of him. “You’ve got a lot to learn about women. I can teach you if you want.” Elena said as she kissed him.


End file.
